negative thinking

argh...just had my organic chemistry long test a while ago...i can't help but think that i did bad in it...and what do people say...that's life...

lately, as i have been going through this roller coaster ride in my head, i can't help but think negative thoughts in such a way that it has already corrupted my mind to become very pessimistic...

i really miss the optimist in me...seeing a brighter way through every problem...seeking a better alternative...dreaming...ah now that is one thing i haven't been able to do for quite some time...

what has happened to me...why do i feel so different now...somehow all the things i've experienced lately have affected me so much that i didn't even notice myself change...i guess most of us don't...

we either face the things that come to us and just learn to accept them or sometimes we deny them and run away from them...i think i did too much accepting...and now here i am feeling so depressed with my own thoughts...the real irony in this is that i'm doing this to myself and there is nothing i can do about it because it was something set in motion by my previous actions...talk about getting caught in your own web of thoughts...

i end this post with a reminder to myself that there is still some optimism inside of me that clamors to be set free again...to set my thinking back to how it was...my pessimism however discourages me to think of how i may be able to do so...