choice

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

"The heart decides, and what it decides is all that really matters. All of us had this experience. At some point, we have each said through our tears, 'I'm suffering for a love that's not worth it.' We suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. We suffer because our love is going unrecognized. We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules. But ultimately there is no good reason for our suffering, for in every love lies the seed of our growth... -- because those who love conquer the world and have no fear of loss. True love is an act of total surrender." - excerpt from a book by Paulo Coelho

this is something i found from a friend's blog and i just can't help but make a blog just because of this quote... somehow it is able to express clearly and beautifully how i personally view my situation... a lot of people (thank you to all of you) have already heard of my problem and have offered me very good pieces of advice... unfortunately, i stubbornly decline to follow any of them... and this i do because i feel that in any scenario it is always the choice of the person involved that should prevail over the rest... again, i thank all those who have shown that they care but somehow i have to say sorry that i am unable to comply to what some have already suggested... it is simply too hard... or simply impossible in my current situation...

actually i found it funny that for days i’ve been trying to think of ways on how i can expound on the quote and it just dawned on me that the quote needs no more expounding… it states a reality plain and simple… words that are easily understood… there is just one thing i’d like to point out… how separate our hearts are from ourselves… when we say that it is our heart’s decision… how much involvement does the rest of our body have with that decision… fine it is easy to blame the heart for any irrational decision made but somehow i believe that the heart will never be able to retaliate and show us that what it has decided we’ve probably set in motion a long time ago… feelings that it has felt were just a part of our bodies extending ourselves… we would have never felt anything if we stayed inside our shells and avoided any social contact… by making that first attempt to reach out to others we’ve already opened our hearts to the possibility to feel… we’ve given it the power to decide for us… we are responsible for it… hence the blame doesn’t lie entirely on our hearts but it goes back to the heart’s owners…us…thus it isn’t the heart that totally surrenders…we ourselves commit that act of total surrender…

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