expectations

so near yet so far... i just received my grades through text from enzo (thanks for proxying me) and well they were high but not high enough to get to the dean's list... i just feel frustrated that i could get my grades this high and i never worked harder for it... i really feel a little extra push from myself could have probably placed me in the dean's list already... maybe i set my expectations too high... i really don't know... this sem has really been a mix of good and bad for me and all i really wanted was something to be really happy about... maybe that is why i wished on my grades to be high so that at least it could cheer me up... but well fate had to put me down like that... i had to put myself down like that... i don't know why but i guess when you expect something to turn out well... most of the time it doesn't and all you end up doing is disappoint yourself in the end... when in fact when you expected something you were really disappointing yourself from the beginning...

why do we set expectations... what good does it really do... if you reach your expectations fine you become happy but if you don't then you feel sad... more often than not you don't reach it and well you become sad... so why set it at all... do you get sad if you don't set it... why make somthing that you can probably do without... expect nothing then all you have to do is accept it when it comes to you...

well i guess it was really designed that way that we dream up stuff and we try to attain it... failure may be part of it just to help us realize that getting what we want is really hard... when you strive for something good it will make you realize that it is really worth striving for... it doesn't come free of charge and it will just show you that along the way you really have to push yourself harder... such a harsh reality but i guess its there to always remind us of what we are working hard for... in the end it will help us make attaining it more fruitful and rewarding... i just hope that i will be able to experience that feeling...