ripped off

when it rains it pours... it's really weird but somehow when things don't go to well... they just get worse... when you pray for something good to happen... something bad has to happen first... or i hear good news and it is immediately followed by bad news... somehow it always reminds me about the balance between good and evil in this case good luck and bad luck... just today my digicam got stolen... yah, i know it was my carelessness because i left my bag unattended but still why did it have to happen just when my trip was about to end... the good news is that all of my pictures were saved in my laptop so that means our trip wasn't all in vain... thank God my mom told me to bring my laptop so that i can save the pictures there... ( actually the laptop has kept me preoccupied during morning and nights that i have nothing to do here so double thanks hehe ) this was really something i didn't expect... i was having so much fun with that digicam and i liked all the features and it was just so easy-to-use... and now it's gone... i didn't exactly mope about it but i just feel bad that it's gone... some part of me was even thankful that it wasn't my whole bag that got stolen and only that digicam... i'm pretty sure we will get a new one but this experience is something that i will never forget and i guess that is all i have to hang on to, the memory of losing it...

it's really sad if you lose something... and well somehow it is during these times that we realize how important these things are to us... a camera may be replaced and so the effect isn't that great except for the wallet... but some stuff that is hard or can't even be replaced can leave a mark so great it is actually permanent... i really hope that most of us can realize what is important even before we lose it that way we can avoid permanent damage and perhaps even take good care of what we have... i know i will...

expectations

so near yet so far... i just received my grades through text from enzo (thanks for proxying me) and well they were high but not high enough to get to the dean's list... i just feel frustrated that i could get my grades this high and i never worked harder for it... i really feel a little extra push from myself could have probably placed me in the dean's list already... maybe i set my expectations too high... i really don't know... this sem has really been a mix of good and bad for me and all i really wanted was something to be really happy about... maybe that is why i wished on my grades to be high so that at least it could cheer me up... but well fate had to put me down like that... i had to put myself down like that... i don't know why but i guess when you expect something to turn out well... most of the time it doesn't and all you end up doing is disappoint yourself in the end... when in fact when you expected something you were really disappointing yourself from the beginning...

why do we set expectations... what good does it really do... if you reach your expectations fine you become happy but if you don't then you feel sad... more often than not you don't reach it and well you become sad... so why set it at all... do you get sad if you don't set it... why make somthing that you can probably do without... expect nothing then all you have to do is accept it when it comes to you...

well i guess it was really designed that way that we dream up stuff and we try to attain it... failure may be part of it just to help us realize that getting what we want is really hard... when you strive for something good it will make you realize that it is really worth striving for... it doesn't come free of charge and it will just show you that along the way you really have to push yourself harder... such a harsh reality but i guess its there to always remind us of what we are working hard for... in the end it will help us make attaining it more fruitful and rewarding... i just hope that i will be able to experience that feeling...

exam

finally, the finals are over! one semester down and well three more to go before medicine proper... so far this sem has been a great sem so far... my grades are quite high except for one make or break subject... organic chemistry... i really can't get myself to study that subject... no matter how hard i try... anyway the past is past and that is finally over... i'm so glad that there won't be any chem next semester hehe...

well these exams have really drained me... but it however has allowed my mind to think of something that happened just this july... my friend had a debut and she invited her teachers to say a few words for her... there was this one teacher who had prepared a speech and it was one that wasn't easy to forget... one of the few words that comes first into the mind upon mentioning the word teacher is "exam"... well this word was the topic of the teacher's speech... he said "life is just a big exam... but it isn't true or false type or... multiple choice or... fill in the blanks... it is an essay type exam..." (paraphrased by me) anyway the point he made was very clear... life wasn't about making mistakes and paying for it... life was way more than that... if ever there was a choice that was made in life... be it good or bad... there always is time to stand by it or make up for it... as long as you are still alive... the essay only ends when you're dead and that is when people can say whether you've written a great life or a wasteful one... the power in the teacher's words did not only come from his experience as a teacher but also as a student in life's lessons... and similarly all of us are able to understand the simplicity of this concept of life... that in this exam... pass or fail can only be determined at the end...

as i reminisce hearing these words of wisdom from the teacher... i think about my own life and how i've written it so far... i think about the choices that i've made and didn't make... i think about the things i've done and haven't done... and well there isn't much to say yet... but surely there is still time to make something out of it... to make a seemingly meaningless existence meaningful... how is a good question... but why is more important...