maestro amore

Even though leap 33 has ended... Our memories will forever remain in my heart...

second anniversary

happy 2nd anniversary angelainey!!! may this picture remind us of the good times we have together!!! i love you very much!!!

ps... thanks to birdie for the idea... pictures are courtesy of the picture company at the fort...

true healing

Medical science has deemed that healing isn’t reserved only in a physical or psychological plane... It actually involves biological, psychological, and social processes... I talk about this now as I recollect what I went through in the first intensive... I was really excited to attend it so much so that I felt like nothing could stop me but alas life got the better of me and decided to challenge my resolve by inflicting me with a certain malaise by making it almost impossible to get out of bed... A part of me wanted to shrug off the spiking fever and the intermittent cough but another part wanted me to trust the natural process and let my body recuperate for the night and thus I wasn’t able to attend the first night of the first intensive...

The next day, I did feel better so much so that I was gearing up to really go to the 2^nd day of the first intensive... I had to go through one obstacle and that was the go signal from my mom... She couldn’t understand why I was so insistent on going while I was still convalescing... Her perception was that I was being stubborn and that I was pushing myself too hard that I’d eventually get sicker... The negativity didn’t help at all, it really made me doubt what I was capable of and so I let it slide past me and eventually I stood my ground and declared that I was going to OCCI...

That decision made all the difference in my road to recovery... As soon as I got there, I was instantly greeted by smiling faces and the positive energy in the room... With every greeting and every smile, I felt myself feel lighter and more confident about my condition... As I went on with the day's activities, I felt it really helped by shifting the focus of my mind instead of the sickness but to the healing process... Instead of sulking around and feeling depressed about my condition, I was getting revved up for the rest of the day and eventually it peaked during the last activity... At a certain point in all the excitement, I didn’t feel sick at all... I was helping people get through with the best of my capabilities... Living in that moment felt like I was unstoppable and that nothing could bring me down... The focus was to get through the activity and succeed 100%... We did just that as we got everyone across by focusing our thoughts in our goal...

That was my experience of true healing... It wasn’t about being sick at all but about the determination to rise above the ailment and overcome the difficulties... It was about believing in myself that I can get through it despite the obstacles and also about having other people believe in me all the way... It was also about acceptance of all the love and care of the people that were there...

Having realized this as I’m on my way to becoming a doctor, has made a real difference in how I view my profession... It certainly isn’t only about the medications and the prescriptions but about the genuine and loving human connection that brings true healing about... I thank LEAP Team 33 for teaching me this valuable lesson during the first intensive and I also say thanks in advance for the many more valuable lessons to come!!!

My Trusting Love Heals!!!

flex

i just graduated from the FLEX seminar... FLEX stands for Foundations of Leadership EXcellence... i thank haidee hsu from the bottom of my heart for recommending me to go to the seminar... it was a different experience... although i am not at liberty to disclose the specific details in that seminar but i can at least share some of the feelings that i went through during the seminar...

skepticism... this is the first thing that was in my mind... did i really need to go here... will it be worth it... will this really help me... i've been through so many of these... all these things were going through my mind because of my pride... my pride that i am a good enough leader... i am well equipped with the know-how already... i am able to be successful on my own... i do not need any more help... let's just say that sometimes pride can get in the way to true success... it can get in the way of reality... it can make us see illusions of contentment and of strength...

fear... i was afraid of what the other people in the seminar would think of me... i was afraid to share too much at first... i feared that they might judge me for who i really am... i was afraid that they might think of me as someone weak and needed help... i was afraid of the people there because they were all strangers... well let's just say that fear can paralyze us... it can keep us from achieving our goals... it can keep us from what we really want or what we really need...

trust... as the seminar went on... i began to trust the process... trust the people around me... i was able to let them know me... let them help me become a better person... i took in the values that were taught and tried to incorporate it in my system... i immersed myself in the experience and let it guide me... i did not resist it anymore... i just absorbed as much as i could like a sponge slowly squeezed under the water in order to take in as much as it can... it was enriching it was like slowly being filled up with these concepts although probably known to me but never felt so real...

happiness... they were right it's like experiencing a high... so much so that you'd want to go through it again... or experience something bigger than it... you'd want to take in more... to feel more alive and charged with positive energy... it gave me a new perspective in what i do... and as if overflowing the feeling that comes out next is almost predictable...

generosity... being given so much i'd want to share it too... share it with my family and my friends... all that i could talk about after the seminar was the seminar... it felt so good that i want others to feel the same way... true most people would go through the first two feelings first but once you get to the last three... im sure anyone who goes to the seminar will understand why... it will be something unforgettable... even i feel excited for those who will already be taking the seminar next week...

well that was how the seminar felt for me... this is my emotional journey during FLEX maybe these are my sentiments as i just graduated but for me this is as real as it can be... as to how long the effects will last i'm not so sure... but i'm already going to take the next course ALC... Advanced Leadership Class... can't wait to see what the next journey will be like...

scrubs

mark and i in our scrubs... this is what we were wearing during the med mission...

surgery

this is my first ever experience to perform a minor surgery... circumcision... before the surgery i was actually diagnosing patients in the medical part of the mission... i was with mark while he was getting the bp of the patients i decided to also check on a few patients as well as prescribe them medicine... it was my first time to write a prescription as well so i guess this is my first introduction to pharma as well... it seemed odd as first because we were now dealing with real people instead of the cases or fictional patients that we get in class... it was also odd that we were sort of flying solo as well because the doctor who was in charge told us that we could handle the cases and if it gets too complicated then we should consult him... to hold such a responsibility over other people could be overwhelming but since the medicine we were prescribing wasn't that dangerous we eventually got the hang of it... when we ran out of patients we were now asked to join the surgical part of the mission... mark and i were both hesitant at first because this was a very different field... one mistake and we could alter another person's anatomy forever... i thought it over and said to myself that if i don't gain any experience in this field how can i ever make it as a real surgeon... so i went up to fred who was stitching up his patient and was about to finish... he said i was next after him... so i waited until all the instruments were ready and there in front of me lay my first patient... i had a more experienced partner to guide me through this first patient... he showed me how to sterilize the area and how to inject the anesthetic... lidocaine... i have fear of poking other people with needles that is why i asked him to do it for me... but when it came to the real surgery he showed me how to cut the prepuce and up to where it should be cut... so i did... it was easier than what i initially thought... for the suturing we were to apply simple interrupted sutures... he showed me how to start the suture and then i took over... three sutures was enough to close up the wound and there wasn't much bleeding which was good... after applying the bandage the surgery was over and successful... it was a different feeling afterwards... it wasn't fear anymore but excitement... wanting to succeed in another surgery... it's like craving for more achievement... unfortunately there were no more patients... but i told mark that i wanted to try more to do more and so we decided that we would be there for the next med mission of FILCHIMSA... Gabaldon on may 18 to 20... really looking forward to helping out more and gaining more experience...

i know this is a different way of posting for my blog... usually it would be less narrative and more insight... but i guess after a hiatus of almost a year... i need some warming up hopefully i'll be able to get back my way of writing soon... by the way there is a photo of mark and i in our scrubs... i guess i can't wait for the day that we actually can wear it as surgeons...